tweaking.

*swears loudly in every language she knows* EVEN THIS ONE ISN'T FUXING SHOWING UP?!!!

*growls low* ich. la salle is being stupid. the computers are now completely useless to me. ich. somebody must die.

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anyway...i'll just go on ahead and rant about whatever it is i originally intended to rant about.

my class is going to limbo. ich. heaven knows why i even bother. i lose my apetite for EVERYTHING and ANYTHING when i have to suffer staying in the same room as them. *psh*

look, in all honestly, i have NOTHING against them...in fact, if things were bloody different i'd probably still hang around and fool around with the rest of them. the thing is--i don't. not anymore anyway. and if you, dear reader are one of the select few who i have deemed to tell why, you're fortunate.

can anybody puh-lease tell me why allofasudden the snickers and the teasing calls are up and at it again??

don't get me wrong--if i'm mistaken in this particular fact--i'd be thankful enough to go down on my hands and knees and praise the rising sun. but if i'm right...*dry laugh8 let's just say that i'm not in the slightest bit pleased with the idea of whatever farden issue they've so *dripping with sarcasm* sweetly and so conveniently drawn up for me...and...*coughs and chokes on the word* him.

*pauses for a moment to contemplate* here's my newest quiz...


Which Schwarz member are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

oh how...fitting. and to think, when i'm like this i could just enjoy wripping certain people limb from limb.

*flips long hair over her shoulder and returns to original topic*

A-N-Y-way...
*temper partially deflates as she sees craig's pix*

*shakes her good mood off*

NO! argh! this is mu fuxing rant blog! i can't go...*growls as MPD takes over*

Melina>> you couldn've let me blog in the other one, y'know...*pouts* i swear...i've been having a considerable amount of nightmares since...*blush* nevermind.

MiaD>> yes, ma chère i promise i will try to mutilate your niichan...*blinks* OUR niichan...when i get the chance. all the stupidty surrounding your m'eudail's choice of...preference (ed~turok ba?) is disturbing enough as it is. with all those...*those*... *narrows gaze* i will refrain from bringing the topics up for fear of my better side losing what thin thread is left of her sanity.

hmph.

where was i? --oh YEAH.

yesterday was an absolute killer with regards to what happened when i was about to go home. *psh* it's annoying, irritating and very, very disturbing to think that mcdonald's plastic cups just crack so suddenly at the side when all you did was run your palm lightly over the cover to make sure that it was closed properly.

yes, ladies and gentlemen--i got fuxing coke splattered over my jeans--my *favorite* jeans to boot! gr... and i can't even *explain* the nagging feeling that i got after i had the stupid thing changed for a more decent arrangement.

why, mes amis?

call me crazy, call me delusional and overly sunk in my beliefs...or whatever you choose to call it *snaps jaws in irritation*...but a certain imbecile was there at mcdo and the heat at the back of my neck implies that *glaring* is not even the proper word. ugh! shoot me now and get it over with.

*pauses* okay...not yet, huh?

look...it's a...snippet of information that the moron contradicted himself by expressing a certain degree of tolerance for my personal beliefs when we were together (ed~ good god! i'm actually *talking* about *that* facet of my life???)... and only lately has he expressed his... stand in stating (as mentioned in the previous entry) that MY beliefs, aren't REAL as far as his, theirs and everyone else's closed-minded standards are.

mama and i even got into a semi-spat because i confessed that i rarely make the sign of the cross anymore...which, by the way, i have returned to doing simply because she had a small point. i can *still* find comfort in God...even if i have chosen a different road.

DAMMIT ALL TO HELL AND BACK! all i want to rant about now is:

CAN'T I JUST BE WHAT I CHOOSE TO BE???

I'm completely different from the rest of my age-group (dispite some implications that i'm NOT)...and honestly, i want to do things the way i deem them best for me. heck! i don't go to the chapel down at the end of the second floor (neither does my darling charlie-cher by the way...) because the whole place reeks of a really disturbing aura

REMY>> word for the day: disturbing. ~ the act of being disturbed.

*glares* thank you for that tidbit, mon ami but i doubt that that was called for. ich.

next...look, frankly speaking...i don't know if i can stand being stifled in the 'norms' anymore...i'm constantly treading on eggshells since my deviation in choice of religion will be a sore topic should the rest of my family find out. *psh* i have no doubt that my dad's actually wondering and feeling the slightest discomfort knowing that i have 'A Witch's Runes' and 'Candlemagick' stacked behind candles and the gold, moon insence(ed~ spell check please?) burner on the shelf beneath my tv set.

he prolly wonders at my darker side these days...one that, thankfully, flip can relate to and tends to calm down. ich. can't i just be as angsty as i need to be without people asking questions left and right and constantly wondering what the hell happened to that nice little girl who used to be content in the background.

i'm sorry. but that particular little girl lost a lot of faith in certain things when she had to fend for herself in the midst of public ridicule in a school that her lighter side now actually appreciates since the both of them (consequently 'us') are out-of-the-friggin-atmosphere.

look. i know people happen to hate/dispise/feel uncomfortable with this aspect of who i am. heck! i wouldn't even flinch if they called me a neurotic bitch once in a while because right now--with all fuxing hell breaking loose--I HAVE HAD IT with being the fuxing ANTAGONIST.

slice me now please? because i just might snap one of these days and think to slaughter several people who have now earned my disgust. and darling? it takes a LOT to earn my disgust.

here's an example--> YOU (oh it would please me if you somehow knew just how much loathing i tamp down for your blasted sake!)--and your 'steady' thinking. NOTHING is right unless you accept it to be right. FUXING UNDERSTANDING? oh...*sardonic smile* do they tag you as that, ma chère? *dry laugh* yeah...suuuuuuuuure, ma petít--all because you boost their fuxing egos when things go wrong and they *need* the reassurance that they're right.

you feign tolerance for new things...but my choice of religion happens to fall under the category of farce, and blasphemy.

do you know how ridiculous your face looked when the Lillith theory came up? you just *can't* farden *think* any wider than three centimeters, can you?!

NEWSFLASH honey...*rolls eyes* (ed~ melina- greek for "honey"). there are so many other beliefs in the world. you'd know that mine in par-ti-cu-lar has a church in Europe and in the States. It's legit, love. don't get a heart attack over it.

next--> *growls in utter disgust* YOU. bullshit, and whatelse fall on you.

i can't believe that i actually *wanted* things to get better between the two of us. you're as narrowminded and as uninformed and as fuxing judgemental as the REST OF THEM! GOD! may i be compensated for curbing who i was for your benefit.

YES. *YOUR* fuxing benefit you bloody, insensitive SOD!

i only *speak* with you when i have no other farden choice on the matter! i don't do it for please, m'sweet...you're the cross i have to bear every, friggin', bloody day of my life. more so since you're ALWAYS the first to condemn what you *don't* know.

psh. i PITY (i seriously do...) the next woman who has the misfortune to fall for your charms. player. jerk. liar. asshole.

i am SO glad to be rid of you. --you NEVER ONCE understood who i was!--and you never...will. you're too makitid sa utak to realize that i have worked liked HECK to get where i am, to who i am, to overcome all the fears that i've had to face since i realized that i was free from the stupid cage i'd been trapped in back in my younger days.

i'm a fighter now, you moron! and i'm not ashamed of deviating from the flow that the rest of you conform to.

*laughs dryly* i don't claim to be completely unique. i'm not *that* just yet... but at least I know that there's a term to discribe who i am as a person.

it's called COMPLICATED and thoroughly COMPLEX, darling. and you never wanted that in your life.

'why complicate life any more than it already is?'

because mon ami:

nothing easy (or free) ever holds it's true value that's a little something taken from the Three Sisters Island trilogy: Dance Upon the Air spoken to darling Nell by Mia Devlin.

i've earned my spot. in hockey. in the hearts of my friends. and since i've known just how *much* I happen to matter--to my niichan, to athena, to my sister, to charlie-cher, maia and ekai...to my baby nenloth, my brother, my bestfriend--my MOM, and everyone else that really counts--

I DON'T NEED YOU. OR WANT YOU ANYWHERE IN MY LIFE.

ciao, baby...*blows a kiss* you win some, you lose some.

and you. lost. me.

okay...new rant.

*growls softly* first and foremost-->WHY DOESN'T MY MAIN BLOG SHOW UP IN THE FUXING COMPUTER SCREEN???

somebody puh-lease kick the system because for some inhuman reason, they've blocked out my blog because of my blogout links,. gr... *goes off to try something*

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*when it doesn't work*

who do i have to farden kill??? ich! talk about destroying a perfectly decent mood. gr. *glares at the computer* i'm going to go and edit this template now, if you don't mind. gr.

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*checks how the whole thing looks*